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The questions for anger are: “What must be protected? ”” (pp.167-168 in ebook) The solution is not to internalise your anger, nor to vent your anger in hurtful ways on everyone you know.
Self-control is essential in heated situations and conflicts.
The wise way to respond to anger is to express it and let it flow in healthy ways that don’t harm others, but actually empower you and show you where you need to be assertive, courageous, and make changes.
Paying attention to what triggers our anger can also bring greater self-awareness, and deeper levels of personal healing and spiritual growth.
Part of the problem is that many NFs believe they “just don’t get angry” which almost always tells me that this person has repressed or disowned their anger to a dangerous extent.
Many people also feel that getting angry is rude, immoral, immature or just plain “bad”.
Here is a useful description of the purpose of anger from by Karla Mc Laren: “If I were to personify anger, I would describe it as a mix between a stalwart castle sentry and an ancient sage.
Anger sets your boundaries by walking the perimeter of your soul and keeping an eye on you, the people around you, and your environment.
If you boundaries are broken (through the insensitivity of others or in any other way), anger comes forward to restore your sense of strength and separateness.
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